Here’s what happened when…
We treated some near-and-dear, 7-Eleven moms to sweet wine and conversation.
What started as typical Happy Hour, turned into a hilariously-blunt advice sesh for the only non-parent at the table, me. Each mom gave their unique perspective as they sipped their drink-of-choice. So, in the spirit of anonymity (and lack of real photos), I give you The Honest Moms of the Round Table, represented by their Happy Hour beverage.
Twin boys, 5 months old
Some Sound Advice:
You’re never going to feel ready to become a parent. You don’t wake up one day and say “Hey, you know what’d be fun? I feel good about this. High-five, husband.”
Everyone nods in agreement, as Mrs. Water continues…
“You care about poop SO much, you have no idea. What color is it? Does that look like right?” I’m calling the pediatrician.”
Daughter, age 3, and son, age 2
Her Words of Warning:
Kids say really creepy stuff. You just have to push the fear, deep…deep down, and never let her watch horror movies with you, again.
“My daughter once grabbed my husband’s face, and said - I don’t like your face, Daddy. I want to cut it off.”
Maybe sleep with one eye open…just for a bit.
Daughter, age 12, and son, age 13
Her Words of Wisdom:
You will face challenges no amount of life experience could prepare you for – like trying to convince your son that showers are NOT a waste of time.
“I even bought him these sanitary wipes for men, Dude Wipes – thinking they’d help the situation. He refused to use them. Refused.”
Mrs. Dirty Martini
Two sons, 2 and 14
Honesty Begins with Eating:
You WILL disgust yourself. Say goodbye to the part of you that can’t handle blood, poop, or vomit. There’s no time to be squeamish. There’s no time to decide something is too gross to deal with.
“My son always spits his food out when he doesn't want it,” Mrs. Dirty Martini tells me. “Sometimes it's half chewed and instead of going to throw it away I eat it.”
Mrs. Cab locks eyes with Mrs. Dirty Martini.
Mrs. Cabs smiles, “ME TOO!”
I look at both of them with horror and disgust, as they laugh.
Daughter, age 8, and son, age 9
What She Taught Me:
Parenting is like being in a constant state of winging-it. And… some parents are better at keeping track of their kids than others.
“When I come home, I see my son with all of his little friends. And then I see a boy I’ve never seen before…
I say, “And, who are you?”
He replies, “Landon.”
I say, “Hello, Landon. How did you get here? Do your parents know where you are?”
“He replies No to both questions, and I spend 30 minutes walking door-to-door like a crazy person, asking if anyone knows who Landon is, or where he lives.”
As laughter from the last story settles, everyone checks their phone, most likely checking in with the fam. I check mine too, hoping there’s still time left to grab one more drink at Happy Hour price, *sigh*… no dice. It’s time to go.
So, we hang up our happy-hour hats, said adios, and cheers one more time.
To the Moms of the Happy Hour Round Table, I had a blast. Thanks for sharing your honest advice, and stories that will both haunt me, and perplex me, until I have kids of my own.
To the rest of you Moms out there, maybe one day, I’ll treat you ALL to a drink – don’t get your hopes up – I write for a living.
BUT. If you’re ever in a pinch, and need wine delivered to your door… I know people.
… The people behind our 7NOW app! Get wine, and SO much more, delivered – at least until I make my millions.